chaotic

Anonymous asked:

But breasts ARE sexual organs? They release oxytocin when stimulated, that makes them sexual.

algrenion answered:

ive had to deal w this argument before ok listen here

boobs do the oxytocin thing when theyre stimulated yes, nipples are an erogenous zone. Men’s nipples do this too. Now read over those two sentences and let the double standard dawn on you okay? Think about it if both kinds of nips release oxytocin when you do the touch touch on them, why is only one kind of nip considered a sexual nip? sexism that’s why

it’s ridiculous and technically makes a dude’s nipples more inappropriate than a lady’s nipples because boy nipples serve virtually no other purpose than to be stimulated by temperature change or by sexual activity, while girl nipples serve the added purpose of oh you know, feeding babies no big deal

but nah man nah both can be aroused so both nips are sexual or no nips are so make up your mind

you know where else is an erogenous zone?? ears. Are you wearing an ear bra/?? Why the fuck arent you wearing your fucking ear bra you trash put on yoourfucking ear bra youre not allowed to show your fucking ears thats so inappropriate and its makinng me horny its distracting me from my school work youre not following the dresscode wear your fucking ear bra yo ufucking

brainshart

John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon

somewhat-honest-abe

I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™

pactmagic

This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.

vulpeculavolans

TRANSCRIPT:

JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.

AUDEINCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.

AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS

MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS

MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”